Forget the merlion, forget ERPs, forget Sentosa!
Introducing the newest tourist attraction of Singapore!
TWITS! (aka lians)
As said by Cheryl "They want hate Ahlians let them hate. They just dont know how to appreciate this unique trait of singapore, which other countries dont have."
Applause please! We, Singapore, finally have something that other countries do not have! LIANS! Whoa!
I'm sure Malaysia will not quarrel with us over this 'uniqueness'.
Last time I checked, twits were a world-wide phenomenon. It's just so happens that the some countries do not have Asian twits. For example, in America, they call'em airheads/bimbos/bitches. It just so happens in Singapore they are called twits/lians.
So to our global readers, come visit Singapore if you'd like to see them twits!
That'll never happen.
I'll migrate outta this country if lians became our national identity. Yuck.
----
COME VISIT SINGAPORE! WE'LL MAKE SURE YOU VISIT THE MERLION INSTEAD OF TWITS. :D
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Guest Post: The Biology of AL's Brains
Written by: De Maitre
This is the brain of a typical Ah Lian. There's something very wrong with it. Look closer.
Can you identify the problem?
No?
I'll tell you why.
-
-
-
It's empty. That's what it is.
E-M-P-T-Y
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Word of the day!
Word of the day:
"Euuuiis"
It means 'yous', which, technically, makes no sense.
How to construct it? "Euuiis all kaopei miie for what? Wan fiite arhhh? Cum la!"
"Euuuiis"
It means 'yous', which, technically, makes no sense.
How to construct it? "Euuiis all kaopei miie for what? Wan fiite arhhh? Cum la!"
Sunday, October 18, 2009
What would a lian do?
Okay, so this post is gonna be more informal ^_______^ and crazy
Isn't it nice to see liannies all around? On the bus, in school, in malls and even in your underwear? (Oh, I don't know).
How will a lian react when she gets into a car crash and survive?
A. She starts screaming and call all her gan di, gan kor, gan whatever-insert-shit-name-here to murder the dude who crashed into them. The nerve!
How will a lian react if she got dumped?
A. First 1min: omigoddzx howxzx he dumpped miie leiii . iie wannnaxzx diexxzx liaooxzxz. iie will neberxz wannt tuu fall iinzx lurbbes agaiin .
Next minute: -sees a guy- omigawd hiie's shoo haut ! iie tynkk iie wanna go jio hiim (or whatever word you like)
How does a lian react to bad results?
A. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE waiii??? iie thoughhhtzxz iie damnned smarted? farkkk laaaaaaaaaaa. aiiyah nebbermindxcx...gud results 4 wut...nort liiekk iie wannna biie a lawyyersxz or summethinng. iie go enjoy liife betterr with mmy gan (insert shit name). wharts e poiint of studying stiiell?
END OF RANDOMNESS. Sugar high from durian cakes
Isn't it nice to see liannies all around? On the bus, in school, in malls and even in your underwear? (Oh, I don't know).
How will a lian react when she gets into a car crash and survive?
A. She starts screaming and call all her gan di, gan kor, gan whatever-insert-shit-name-here to murder the dude who crashed into them. The nerve!
How will a lian react if she got dumped?
A. First 1min: omigoddzx howxzx he dumpped miie leiii . iie wannnaxzx diexxzx liaooxzxz. iie will neberxz wannt tuu fall iinzx lurbbes agaiin .
Next minute: -sees a guy- omigawd hiie's shoo haut ! iie tynkk iie wanna go jio hiim (or whatever word you like)
How does a lian react to bad results?
A. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE waiii??? iie thoughhhtzxz iie damnned smarted? farkkk laaaaaaaaaaa. aiiyah nebbermindxcx...gud results 4 wut...nort liiekk iie wannna biie a lawyyersxz or summethinng. iie go enjoy liife betterr with mmy gan (insert shit name). wharts e poiint of studying stiiell?
END OF RANDOMNESS. Sugar high from durian cakes
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Why English Still Remains Important In Singapore
Greetings, it's me, AAL Svperstar again~ -waves-
I would like to bring up something regarding why English remains important in Singapore, regardless of whether China is a rising economy or not.
Even if in the next 1o years, China will be better than USA's economy, we still cannot emphasise it as the language we should use. Do you know what is the purpose of English being used in Singapore? It is not because we were once a British colony (Think Sri Lanka's national language being Sinhala after independence). Rather, it is because it is the linking language amongst the different races in Singapore. English is used basically is because of the fact that it gives no one an advantage over others because we are non-native English speakers.
Even if Mandarin's gonna an important language, it's not going to happen in just 10 years. English will continue to be the most widely used language.
Also, I would like to ask you guys a question: are liannies only bad in English? More often than not, they are bad in both languages. They struggle with BOTH English and Mandarin or their respective mother tongues. If one were to be an epic-failure in English, and also is horribly bad in their mother tongue, where are they going to be? If they decide to not take part in the global competition and stuff, well, I guess go ahead, fail English :D
Okay, that's all folks! Thanks for tuning in!
I would like to bring up something regarding why English remains important in Singapore, regardless of whether China is a rising economy or not.
Even if in the next 1o years, China will be better than USA's economy, we still cannot emphasise it as the language we should use. Do you know what is the purpose of English being used in Singapore? It is not because we were once a British colony (Think Sri Lanka's national language being Sinhala after independence). Rather, it is because it is the linking language amongst the different races in Singapore. English is used basically is because of the fact that it gives no one an advantage over others because we are non-native English speakers.
Even if Mandarin's gonna an important language, it's not going to happen in just 10 years. English will continue to be the most widely used language.
Also, I would like to ask you guys a question: are liannies only bad in English? More often than not, they are bad in both languages. They struggle with BOTH English and Mandarin or their respective mother tongues. If one were to be an epic-failure in English, and also is horribly bad in their mother tongue, where are they going to be? If they decide to not take part in the global competition and stuff, well, I guess go ahead, fail English :D
Okay, that's all folks! Thanks for tuning in!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
An unexpected expected sight
Greetings, ladies and gentlemen, ah lians and ah bengs. It's been quite sometime since I've posted something more of substance, rather than fast, plain and absolutely strange posts.
Regarding the title, it isn't a mistake for those who are unable to see. Well, perhaps you will understand when I further elaborate my post. The title is a typical oxymoron, really.
It all began today, when I decided to go to NTUC for some window shopping with my pals. When we stepped into the NTUC, what greeted us was the crisp, cool air in the store. Simply refreshing. And if you did notice, NTUC do play some sort of music in its stores(no matter how cheap some people think they are). We were so happily browsing through the rich selection of mechandises(we were at NTUC extra, actually) when suddenly(!) we hear a bunch of screaming girls.
I'm not exaggerating this. Their screams in a supermarket was highly unnerving. It sliced through the calm, soothing atmosphere with such brute force that it was almost unbearable. But what startled me more was what they were doing.
The five of them -by the way, they are from Holy Innocents' Secondary School- were trying to pack themselves into a trolley. Can you imagine? The five of them tried squeezing themselves into a trolley that is meant for storing food. Heck, even babies don't sit in there! Okay, so they were racing around with the trolley with so many people packed in there, screaming, squealing and acting as though they were in an amusement park. Cheap thrills.
Oh, don't tell me things like, "They will grow out of it", "It's just a phase of their lives", "they're just having fun". Having fun at the expense of the public's peace is grossly unacceptable. I've given up on trying to educate lians. They have their lives, I have mine. But when they intrude into my life by messing up a good day, that's when I get pissed.
Although I didn't expect this incidence to happen today, I did expect such an action from liannies. Well, what can you expect? They're liannies. You know, you know, like boomz? (insert sarcasm)
Ah, they -finally- got chased out of the mart when they supposedly encountered a collision upstairs, and were screaming like it's halloween(which isn't today, kay liannies?). Not only did they not return the trolley, they even went out making the typical vulgarity littered singlish and act like they were not at fault.
Please, liannies, have some sense of decency. You did not only disgrace yourselves as human beings, but even your schools when you go out making a fool in school uniform. I repeat, the school was Holy Innocents High School (or was it secondary school? I have no idea).
Well, that's about all. It is indeed, an unexpected expected sight. I apologised if this post ended up with a lack in substance, scince I do believe I did not live up to what I tried writing about properly.
Regarding the title, it isn't a mistake for those who are unable to see. Well, perhaps you will understand when I further elaborate my post. The title is a typical oxymoron, really.
It all began today, when I decided to go to NTUC for some window shopping with my pals. When we stepped into the NTUC, what greeted us was the crisp, cool air in the store. Simply refreshing. And if you did notice, NTUC do play some sort of music in its stores(no matter how cheap some people think they are). We were so happily browsing through the rich selection of mechandises(we were at NTUC extra, actually) when suddenly(!) we hear a bunch of screaming girls.
I'm not exaggerating this. Their screams in a supermarket was highly unnerving. It sliced through the calm, soothing atmosphere with such brute force that it was almost unbearable. But what startled me more was what they were doing.
The five of them -by the way, they are from Holy Innocents' Secondary School- were trying to pack themselves into a trolley. Can you imagine? The five of them tried squeezing themselves into a trolley that is meant for storing food. Heck, even babies don't sit in there! Okay, so they were racing around with the trolley with so many people packed in there, screaming, squealing and acting as though they were in an amusement park. Cheap thrills.
Oh, don't tell me things like, "They will grow out of it", "It's just a phase of their lives", "they're just having fun". Having fun at the expense of the public's peace is grossly unacceptable. I've given up on trying to educate lians. They have their lives, I have mine. But when they intrude into my life by messing up a good day, that's when I get pissed.
Although I didn't expect this incidence to happen today, I did expect such an action from liannies. Well, what can you expect? They're liannies. You know, you know, like boomz? (insert sarcasm)
Ah, they -finally- got chased out of the mart when they supposedly encountered a collision upstairs, and were screaming like it's halloween(which isn't today, kay liannies?). Not only did they not return the trolley, they even went out making the typical vulgarity littered singlish and act like they were not at fault.
Please, liannies, have some sense of decency. You did not only disgrace yourselves as human beings, but even your schools when you go out making a fool in school uniform. I repeat, the school was Holy Innocents High School (or was it secondary school? I have no idea).
Well, that's about all. It is indeed, an unexpected expected sight. I apologised if this post ended up with a lack in substance, scince I do believe I did not live up to what I tried writing about properly.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Impact of Bad English
Very often, many ALs who visit our blog have mentioned that their bad standard of English is not an issue as the usage of language is up to an individual. However, this very idea in fact is quite shallow as the negative impacts that bad language command can bring about are existent, and adverse.
Recently, Ris Low has sparked media attention due to her appalling English standards despite her being crowned Miss Singapore 2009. Many have also mentioned that her bad language command reflects the standard of English in Singapore’s society, and that her being chosen was a downright disgrace to our country. However, another question that we have to ask ourselves is: why are many Singaporeans such weak in the language?
Singlish, a term coined from the combination of Singapore and English, is often used by Singaporeans to communicate to one another. Originating due to the multicultural society, Singlish has become an idiosyncratic Lingua Franca of Singaporeans. Singlish does not cause any negative impacts per se, but the inability of many people to code switch, especially those weak in the language, usually leads to a bad standard of English in formal situations. One example would be the abovementioned Ris Low.
This brings me back to the topic of ALs. Most of the time, ALs employ an atrocious command of language in conversing with others. Despite having such bad language, they refuse to look up a dictionary in order to improve their English. As a result of constantly twitting and/or combining other languages with English, their standard of English drops radically.
Singapore’s economy depends largely on foreign investments and tourism. Due to our small land space and lack of natural resources, Singapore is forced to depend on other countries for its continued economic survival and progress as a nation. English is an international language, thought not everyone can speak it. Yet, it is the only language that we need to know fundamentally in order to converse with people of different nationalities. The United States of America (USA) has the highest GDP in the world, and is also a country that Singapore’s economy depends on largely. If we lack the Basic English skills, how is it possible to invest there, and perhaps survive economically?
A relatively short post, but it brings the point across: bad English does not simply affect an individual. Especially if it is on a large scale, it can affect an entire nation’s image and perhaps economy. If anyone thinks that the blog which we have created is a waste of time, think again.
Recently, Ris Low has sparked media attention due to her appalling English standards despite her being crowned Miss Singapore 2009. Many have also mentioned that her bad language command reflects the standard of English in Singapore’s society, and that her being chosen was a downright disgrace to our country. However, another question that we have to ask ourselves is: why are many Singaporeans such weak in the language?
Singlish, a term coined from the combination of Singapore and English, is often used by Singaporeans to communicate to one another. Originating due to the multicultural society, Singlish has become an idiosyncratic Lingua Franca of Singaporeans. Singlish does not cause any negative impacts per se, but the inability of many people to code switch, especially those weak in the language, usually leads to a bad standard of English in formal situations. One example would be the abovementioned Ris Low.
This brings me back to the topic of ALs. Most of the time, ALs employ an atrocious command of language in conversing with others. Despite having such bad language, they refuse to look up a dictionary in order to improve their English. As a result of constantly twitting and/or combining other languages with English, their standard of English drops radically.
Singapore’s economy depends largely on foreign investments and tourism. Due to our small land space and lack of natural resources, Singapore is forced to depend on other countries for its continued economic survival and progress as a nation. English is an international language, thought not everyone can speak it. Yet, it is the only language that we need to know fundamentally in order to converse with people of different nationalities. The United States of America (USA) has the highest GDP in the world, and is also a country that Singapore’s economy depends on largely. If we lack the Basic English skills, how is it possible to invest there, and perhaps survive economically?
A relatively short post, but it brings the point across: bad English does not simply affect an individual. Especially if it is on a large scale, it can affect an entire nation’s image and perhaps economy. If anyone thinks that the blog which we have created is a waste of time, think again.
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