The problems with ALs‏

Written by: Cindy

As we all know, ALs like to create trouble. Regardless of what you do, they will still look for you with their “family”.

If you met a reasonable AL (the better kind of AL) and they want to “settle” with you, normally 1-on-1 and through talking, it’ll be OK.

If you met an unreasonable AL (which is the most common kind)… Talking doesn’t solve the problem; they will still come and beat you up, if you don’t want to get beaten, you have to say sorry. Whether you are in the wrong or not, they don’t care about anyone being in the wrong, even if it’s one of their “family members” who offends you first, you’ll still be in the wrong and get beaten. ALs thinks they have power and they are bigger than you, and everyone has to listen to them, if you don’t, either they beat you up or you have to say sorry. When they have a fight between their “family” and another, ALs will never get beaten and they are proud of it, because they have people to “protect” then. Unless necessary, ALs will only sit back and watch their “family” beating another person. This is how unreasonable they are.

I admit the fact that I once used vulgarities, like never ending. But I controlled myself and now I don’t say vulgarities anymore (which, I am very proud of myself). One day, ALs will come to their senses and quit saying vulgarities, quit smoking, stop creating trouble. But I guess that will be like, only 1 out of 10 of them. And most ALs have already stopped twitting, even some of them hates it.

Guest post: The psychological characteristics of Ah Lians

Written by: De Maitre

Based on 6 months’ worth of data collection, when I talk about ALs, I’m talking about teenagers from 13-18 years old who share the following characteristics in varied combinations:

Self Inflated Ego- They like to think they are pretty, but most of them are plain Janes. They normally share the same re-bonded China-doll hair cut, thick make up and an awful taste in cheap clothing. I don’t have issues with rebonded hair and cheap clothes, but ALs have a remarkable talent in making nice hair and clothes look bad. As for thick make up, I think it should be reserved for Wayangs, not for the streets. They like to say stuff like “DM, you jealous of me right? Cos I’m so pretty…” Urgh, I would rather die a virgin. What’s more, if you don’t think they are pretty or smart, they mutate into banshees that scream an endless barrage of vulgarities.

Sensitive- they can criticize you, you can't criticize them. They take it VERY personally. They'll threaten to burn down your house, whack you up and start challenging you for your real name, your home address, handphone number and your gender. Heh, everyone knows me as DM, I don’t know why they have issue with that. And I suspect most ALs are homophobic, I guess they just want to get laid by every male that walks across their path in order to feel like they are "wanted" and "desirable". They take rejection personally too, they do threaten suicide (to me, its good riddance to bad rubbish).

Diarrhea of the Mouth, Constipation of the Brains (intellectual poverty)- I realize that all ALs can’t debate. All they can do is swear and accuse people of being kaypoh. I find it incredibly amusing that when I leave comments, I get accusation of “stepping English” (since when was speaking standard English a sin?) or for being a kaypoh (I love being a kaypoh, anyone who has curiosity in them will be a kaypoh!). So far, a few ALs have “cursed” me to be childless in future, even AFTER I told them I refuse to have kids due to the 50% chance of them turning bad. The other words they like to use is slut/bastard. Well, pot calling the kettle black in most cases. Heh.

Look for trouble- ALL ALs have this problem, they love looking for trouble, they are trouble, their friends are trouble, their love lives are trouble and they come to people’s blog to make trouble. When they get flattened for doing that, they go back to their gang complaining that people create trouble with them. *snort* Right, who was the one who started spewing vulgarities at the wrong people who made neutral comments about ALs’ deviant behaviors?

The whole world is in the wrong, only they are perfect- ALs actually think they are very clever. Serious. They actually created their own lingo and create new meanings for words! Singlish is fine, twitting still exists! And the best part about twitting is, there are no rules. I have no idea how much further that lingo can be further degraded and segmented. They use words like flirt, spammer and kaypoh very liberally without knowing what they mean. Poor sods.

Bad Command of Language- they just don’t have a command of language. They can’t speak English properly, can’t speak Chinese properly, can’t speak dialect properly AND they think they are clever because they are not pretending to be clever. I’m so impressed I could die of happiness. They actually made an ART out of being a failure, and since being a failure is the hardest thing for most of us to achieve (on a philosophical level), we have to give them credit for that…

Physical Aggression- That’s the only way they know how to settle “issues”. They call it talk, but given their admirable levels of patience, eloquence and verbal expression, I really question how long the “talk” can last before they resort to their nails and hands. A few ALs have expressed their wish to slap me, but since they can’t find me, they are reduced to mopping around whining about how pathetic I am. Haven’t they heard of verbal slaps? I’ve been giving them tons of verbal slaps along with the other AAL writers. Unfortunately, ALs have such thick hides that slaps have no lasting impression. Now, imagine slapping a bull, it just feels irritatingly ticklish to them, the same reaction when you verbally slap liannies). Subtle sarcasm doesn’t work on them, at ALL. They need to be verbally punched in the face before they run back to their pack whining about being mistreated.The word “dog”- I don’t know why they have to use the word “dog” on everyone, be it friend or foe. They don’t call people baboons, morons, jackasses, etc. From the Freudian perspective of symbolism, I would hypothesize that it’s a reflection of their behavior:

- They mate like dogs (multiple partners)
- Run in packs (their endless lines of gans and jies)
- Bark a lot (the endless barrage of vulgarities and empty threats)
- Howl to the moon (emotional outbursts at night about being lonely and

unwanted by their family)
- Bitch bitch bitch (they are experts at that)
- Run off with their tails between their legs once they meet their betters

The inability to swear properly- They are masters of quantity, not quality. They feel very empowered using “f” words and other hokkien words. Unfortunately, their hokkien stinks to high heaven, the sentences often don’t make sense. For example- knn limbei you! (translated as: screw your mother, your father you). That doesn’t make sense doesn’t it? And the part that really made me flinch was the use of CCB by ALs, may their vaginas rot off from overuse.

Self destructive behavior- I find it very cute that they always glorify these three things: smoking, drinking and sex. I think these are activities that no under-aged kid in their right mind would do. What’s more, I’ve been trying to go to a few AL’s blogs to offer them “good advice”. Typical of their rebellious nature, most of the replies I’ve gotten are “who are you to tell me what to do? Stupid Kaypoh”, the nicer ones were “I don’t know who you are, thanks for the advice, but I’ll live my own life”. I have a question- “Why is a stranger offering you good advice inferior to that of the gans and jies that teach you how to die of cancer or STD faster?”

If you aren't with me, you are against me- As long as you don't agree with "the" AL way, you are a nerd, even if you can't study. Either that or you're a retard, idiot, bodoh, huan loh, hongster, or whatever, even though you know you are smarter than them and a lot less flirtatious.

Mysterious creatures- no one understands them. Really, you see them declare this all over their blogs. Their teachers, parents, boyfriends and siblings don’t understand their insurmountable pain and anguish over lord knows what. Nobody can understand why they do stupid stuff like getting knocked up and going for rounds of abortion. No one understands why they have to waste all their money on cigarettes and alcohol when the highest pay they can get is approximately $6/hr. No one understands why they take so many MCs and leaves even though they are earning so little. No one knows why they prefer bad friends over good ones. No one knows why they want to go to NT or NA when they can perfectly well get into express. No one knows why some of them give up poly to join their bfs in ITE. No one knows why they still stay with a boyfriend who would rather sleep or flirt with other girls than hang out with them. Are they that stupid? Maybe. I bet they don’t even understand themselves. Lost souls… After many scuffles with them, I realize they switch to the “sob” story after some time. They start to cite stories about having a single parent, stepparent from hell, lousy parents, etc. as a reason for their deviant behavior. I think that is a terrible excuse. I’ve met people who come from single parent families with that single parent being a shitty example of parenthood (gambling, loansharks, alcoholism, etc) but they still turned out fine. Why? It’s because they have the ambition and determination to pull themselves out of the vicious cycle. So my point is ALs are weak in mind, body and soul.

Vulgarities: The corruption of language

Many Ah Lians enjoy using vulgarities when trying to put their point across. Of course, due to their corrupted language skills we often don’t understand what they are trying to tell us. To make it worse, many of them add in a gargantuan amount of vulgarities, especially in hokkien. As such, even if their arguments have a grain of truth in them, though unlikely, we wouldn’t even understand what they are trying to say!

Recently, I have chanced upon some anti-aal blogs. From that name, you can infer that they are the Ah Lians. Upon entering their websites and reading their mindless posts, it is always of immediate realization that they lack the sarcasm and level of intellect to be able to attack the aals. Well, what can you expect from them anyway? There are some ALs telling us that our blog is of no use. But if so, can you imagine how the anti-aal blogs can be useful?

As for the ALs who visit our blog, please also learn how to flame creatively. For example, instead of dumping your entire dictionary of vulgarities, try using things like, “I’ll shove my beautifully manicured fingernails up your ass!” For goodness sake, I’m starting to get bored of their usual ‘arguments’.

Using vulgarities often corrupts one’s ability to effectively use a language. Although many stubbornly argue that they are able to use proper English when the time comes, most of these people tend to unconsciously use bad English at such instances. Reason being, when you repeat something (e.g. vulgarities) in such a large frequency, it becomes embedded in your mind and enters your subconscious mind, becoming a habit.

From a nationwide point of view, a corrupted language can adversely affect foreign investments as well as the good image of Singapore that we have taken decades to build. Although it may sound exaggerated, bad English on a more individual level can affect the impression others have on you. So my dear liannies, would you want to be despised by society, or do you want to make a good impression on others? It’s your choice.

Although many ALs do have a good grasp of language in hokkien and possibly Chinese, it is crucial to maintain a good language standard in English as well. Why? It is not that English is the most important language, but rather because it is widely used globally.

--Important Notes--

1.) I would like to officially announce that our guest reader De Maitre is not a member of aalteam2, nor is his/her blog affiliated to us.

2.) At aalteam2, we do not condone the personal attack of any individual, regardless of whether they are an AL or not. Please take this as the final warning. If anyone posts a URL of another person's blog, the post will be deleted immediately and the IP, banned. Thank You.

Just to clarify, AALteam2 does not post photos that are ripped off from blogs/friendster etc, as well as do personal attacks. Instead, we are relying on pure intellect to criticise twits and bad English. As such, do not accuse us of anything that we did not do as you can be charged under the Defamation Act.